It seems my everyday routine is running me into the ground. I feel like i'm working like a field hand and not getting anywhere for it.
But i'm not complaining.
After all, everything i'm doing right now i chose for myself. I am working in HIV Prevention for black gay men. I am consulting with the State of Georgia about more needs for black gay men. I am writing and performing about/with black gay men. I am photographing and creating art with black gay men. If you asked me what i'd rather be doing, i honestly couldn't tell you.
So why am i so tired?
Maybe it's just that i haven't been sleeping like i know my body wants me to. Maybe it's that so many of the things i'm doing are ultimately controlled by other folks who decide the parameters my work. Maybe it's just time for another change.
Being a Pisces, i am prone to cyclical movements both in my everyday existence and in the larger patterns of my life. A cousin of mine once said to me, "You reinvent yourself every five years." I guess i'm just getting the five year itch. So it's time for some reassessment, time to look at my opportunities, my strengths, my skills, my weaknesses, my areas for growth ... all that new-age human resources crap. (I should know; i left HR about ... well, five years ago.)
In the end, i guess what i'm experiencing is just my latest set of growing pains. When i look at it from that perspective, it doesn't feel so bad after all. In fact, i'm looking forward to stretching a bit and moving on to the "next big thing" in my life. As long as my partner and friends are ready to go along with me, i'm cool.
Be your best you.